WHEN GOD FEELS FAR AWAY
I grew up knowing God is always with me, but I also grew up thinking I had to have quiet time to be close to Him. While we are driving through the night, sleeping in the van, living with my husband and 3 other guys in a 40 square foot space, alone time isn't easy to come by. So, to be honest, the last few months have been hard and God hasn't always felt very close.
We were finally home, and finally back in church when God showed me something. I closed my eyes and saw a ravine, it was dark and it looked how my spiritual life felt. I saw my hand reaching towards the walls trying to find where God was, and then He squeezed me. He was standing behind me, holding me. I had thought for so long I had to DO all of these things to keep God knowing that I love him. I always knew that He loves me, but I had to prove that I love Him. I had to wear myself out leading small groups and counseling sessions over coffee because I was giving everything because of how much I needed to show Him I love him. I was preaching freedom living tangled in everyone else's baggage.
Our relationship with God is so unlike any other relationship. To people we have to SHOW we love them because they can't see the inside our hearts, but God can. He can see when your motives aren't pure and when you're doing things for show. He can see when you really truly love Him and when you just spit facts about who He is.
Time with God is the only thing that fills me. It's the truth, but I was using it to show God I love him, when in reality I am the one who needs it. I feel myself getting weary without setting time aside to be alone, but reality is that some days that isn't going to work, and thats okay. Know that you don't have to reach for Him, He's already standing with you, walking with you through and towards everything this life has for you.